Baby Steps

The things that make our day are not 'giant steps for all mankind,' but they are enormous leaps in our little universe. Success is measured in this room by the stages that lead up to, baby steps.

It’s difficult to explain the joy we share over a child recognizing their own fingers, learning how to roll over, or hold their head up. These children have to rely on someone else for their survival, so the act of sitting or standing on their own is a huge celebration of freedom and hope for their future. To witness or play a part in any phase of their progress is a reward of it’s own.
KhoaNhi-5yr
Little KhoaNhi lies almost motionless in her bed. She doesn’t respond to much, but everyday I work to move her limbs and calm her trembling fits. The day her blank face turned up a smile to me, brought tears to my eyes.

Mai-
Mai will fight the constraints of his own CP body to make it across the room to be the first into Brian’s arms. He breaks a sweat forcing his arms and legs to work and we cheer his success. The two of them are inseparable and they draw from each others strength.
Gai-18 yr
Gai is an 18 year veteran to this orphanage and lives in the most severely contorted body. I hurt to see her limbs so twisted and malformed. Sometimes she cries out and I think her pain must be unbearable. Often silent tears roll down her face and I find her pillow soaked in suffering. I massage her joints daily and with some coaxing, love and kisses her tears dry up and a beautiful hearty laugh will emerge. It is the sound of her laugh that resonates in me until the days end.

KLe (Snowy)-13yr
When I arrive each morning and afternoon, I greet each of the children with a kiss on the cheek. KLe (Snowy) now lifts her head, rolls to one side and can perch herself up on an elbow. She takes her good hand and reaches out touching my face and I lift her into my arms to swing and sing together.

Van-
Van habitually cries and squirms in the corner of the room and can’t be comforted. She doesn’t like to be touched, fed, or changed. After hours of screaming, one day Brian took her outside to quiet the stressful room. Instantly Van settled into his arms and sat quietly in his lap. Within minutes her tears were replaced with content smiles, and we all breathed in the peaceful sound of her silence.

Hai-7yr
A day at the beach was our favorite with the children. They squirmed with excitement to ride in a car and clapped at the first sight of the shore. Hai was under my care and he squealed with joy as soon as we hit the water. His rigid body balanced atop an inner tube, until the water relaxed his tight muscles. We rode the swells, surfed the waves and played in the warm sand until he was blissfully exhausted. On the way home, Hai smiled himself to sleep in my arms. It was the face of a perfect, happy child. His beautiful face is recorded in my mind forever.

Hahn(Penny) walking every day

Hai playing in a puddle

They may seem like baby steps with small rewards, but they represent huge strides of hope for these children.

Vietnam- A one week transformation

“How can I make their world a better place,
when the place I envision doesn’t exist?”

It’s amazing how my world can change in a travel span of 48 hours. We left Thailand’s easy living to arrive in Hanoi Vietnam, traveling on to the ancient town of Hoi An. It had been 5 years since we last visited and found the changes stunning. The country as a whole is an amazing progressive, resilient, beautiful place in the world, but the highlights of this trip are a different kind of story. As many of you know our focus in Vietnam, is to work with the children that have been discarded from this society. This country and this society is struggling to recover from the scars that 80 years of violent war, leave on the generations to follow.



Standing on my balcony tonight, I searched for a way to connect you with the disabled children living in the Hoi An Orphanage. I read through my first journal page, seeking a ‘soft way’ to share their stories but instead found myself crying for the fate of these children. Translating words of horrific scenes, sickening smells and heartbreaking details of their mangled bodies, and previous neglect is only disturbing. Then I noticed when I think of these children, I envision their little faces and am filled with a love and compassion that fills my days with joy. They are my inspiration and it is these stories of progress that I will share with you.

When light breaks through the window of our room, I welcome the morning knowing soon I will receive the pure sunshine that beams from the faces of our morning group. We peddle our bikes off to the orphanage and arrive to the skip and wave of Howdy* a 6 year downs syndrome boy. (*Their real names have been replaced by my nick names in effort to follow government restrictions.) A big hug is always appreciated in the morning and he gives one of the best. We greet the staff and check in with the group of 26 disabled children. We try to see most of them, but focus on those that are regarded as the most unsightly. Many have distorted legs and arms combined with autism and mental slowing. Many are trapped in contorted bodies suffering from Cerebral Palsy, others have Downs Syndrome, Hydrocephalous, enlarged malformed heads, empty eye sockets, lesions and abscesses growing from their bodies. Remembering the difficulty of enduring our first days, I recall the entire scene making me nauseous. Their eyes seemed vacant, their bodies lifeless and often we retired back to our room full of sleepless despair. Now, entering the room I feel a warm welcome from their smiles and familiarity that inspires my day and gives me strength to continue.



Jimbo is blind and where his eyes should be, there are only empty sockets and dark scars. He also suffers from cerebral palsy, autism, deformity and habitually bangs his forehead on the grass mat of his bed. When I come to greet him, he recognizes my voice, lifts his head and reaches for my hand. He loves to have his head rubbed as the lice in his hair drives him crazy. He can barely stand on his own and repeatedly makes attempts to get up, remembering that I will lift him from his bed. He backs up to me, reaches for my hands and wraps my arms around his chest. We practice jumping like a frog and his face bounds with joy, until he wears me out and I have to return him to his bed. He immediately goes back to banging his forehead on the grass mat.




Penny scowls from the back of the room. She has CP, is mentally challenged and physically disabled but a strong, able 14 year girl. Every day I sit with her trying to form a smile on her face. She is angry and for a good cause as she is shackled to her bed. All day she watches the other children being held and hugged but no one pays her attention. I think others steer clear of her as she looks intimidating and large compared to the other fragile bodies. The staff keep one or two limbs tied to her bed at all times. I have to be careful not overstep my boundaries but yesterday, I found her untied and lying on the ground. With help she can stand and now we walk around the building every day. Her progress has been incredible to watch. Today before I left, she smiled, looked to the window, pointed at her tied up arm, shook it lividly and then bowed her head. With permission, I can untie Penny and let her enjoy the outdoors and a taste of freedom. I hope to see a smile someday.



Lenny sits in a baby car seat with one leg near his head and the other twisted around his waist. His neck is immobile but he follows the room with watchful eyes surveying the fate of his roommates. As Brian passed by he spoke in perfect English, “Hello, what’s your name?” Lenny is 17 years and is trapped in a tiny body fighting his cerebral palsy but his brain is that of a normal teenager. It saddened us to see him penned up in this room with severely incapable children while his intellect is that of a normal young man. With some time, Brian shared stories and argued over which vegetables he refused to eat. We look forward to practicing English with him each day.





The morning shift ends and it’s difficult to pull ourselves away, but we know that a mental break is needed to continue this work. We head for lunch and discuss the progress, highlights and heartbreaks of the morning. In the heat of the day, we make our way back to the orphanage bringing educational support books for the staff in hopes of winning their respect. In the afternoons, we work on mobility and feed the crippled children. The temperature has risen to a hundred degrees each day and the humidity level leaves us all damp with sweat. The room we work in has windows and a few fans to keep some air moving but the children still lye motionless in their beds with their shirts sticking to their shrunken bodies.


I’m lucky to be able to spend time with Nicky most days. He also suffers from CP, but a small non government organization has donated the funds to bring physiotherapists in to teach him and a few others how to control their flailing arms and scoot themselves around on their own. Full of joy and pride he shows me how carefully he can stack my postcards, put on sunglasses, operate my camera, drink from a water bottle and today managed to feed himself a bowl of rice. Every day we share many high fives and thumbs up for his progress. Nicky’s smile and new found dignity is enough to fill my days with satisfaction.






Poor Snowy spent the first half of her life neglected in a rural home for handicapped elders. Two years of paperwork and she finally made it to this facility for children. Her skin is white as snow, and her face has the characteristics of European decent. Her body is badly malformed as a result of residual agent orange poisoning. Her light brown eyes only fluttered the first few days I worked with her, and she struggled to balance her head when we practiced sitting. Snowy shares a bed with two other motionless children and she mistakenly was ignored along with them. With the permission of the physiotherapist, she now gets her own chair every time I come to visit. She manages holding her entire body up by herself and likes to be talked to. Her eyes sparkle and a dimple forms on each cloudy white cheek when we are able to share time with her. The rewards of those dimples are priceless.

Evening sets in and we retire to our room to clean up for our night shift at a different center across town. Nightly from 7-9 we volunteer at the Cahors Center for street/disadvantaged children. This is a fantastic group of teens that we visit, study English, and work on basic life skills together. I must admit, they are more therapy for us than we are for them. At the end of our exhausting days they give us inspiration, believing that this country will rise to meet the needs of it’s fallen. Their stories and progress is truly astounding.

Only one week into the project, but a transformation that will live with us for a lifetime.

A special Thank You to contributors of B&B Relief as your donation will employ a physiotherapist for one more year and train the current staff to help the children advance out of their beds. Your donation will also supplement their basic rice diet with meat, vegetables and egg increasing their chance of survival and giving them the strength to make a better life for themselves.
Note: Much appreciation to The KIANH Foundation for recognising the needs of the children and working with the Hoi An Orphanage renovating its facilities, introducing special needs therapists, and bringing a light of hope for the disabled children of Hoi An. You can learn more about this UK registered charity at: http://www.kianh.org.uk/
or their USA partner at www.hoianfoundation.org

The Underworld

Spelunking in New Zealand
Don’t be deceived by the rolling grassy hills of New Zealand, as this green floor disguises another place hidden away from all mankind. Deep under the earths crust is a sunless, lifeless world of dark drippy caverns, sharp cutting rocks and cold rushing rivers. This world is not on the typical vacation itinerary, but if you dare to plummet yourself into the void, you may be surprised at what is going on, in the underworld just beneath your feet.

Running out of things to do on a rainy day? If you’re going to be wet, than why not just take the plunge? This plunge, however is more like pitching yourself off a cliff into a dark void. Welcome to the world of spelunking. Yes, it had been raining over a week, but for the most part we were looking for a thrill. Enticed by photos of men dangling over a 300 ft cliff, eagerly we searched for the best adventure spelunking available in the town of Waitamo, on the north island of New Zealand. With a few recommendations from locals, we found Kieran who has recently discovered one of the newest caves in the area. To ‘go where no man has ever gone before’ is a excitement of it’s own, even if a just a few others have beat us to it. This new cave claims to be one of the most beautiful in all New Zealand and the most technical to maneuver. Sounds like our kind of adventure.

Where few men have gone before

Geared in three sets of thermals, one fleece, a rain coat, overalls and a harness, we traversed up the hill, arriving at a small river pouring around a boulder. Climbing into the opening, we left daylight behind and entered ‘the underworld.’ A steep rock face was the first to conquer and we spidered up the side with ease.

Each dark corner revealed spacious grottos or tiny jagged gaps to crawl through. Using ropes, clamps and belays (repelling devises) we crossed deep crevasses and climbed slippery marbled walls. The ceiling glistened with white crystals and creamy stalactite daggers hung above our heads. Kieran followed behind to answer questions about the formations but left us to maneuver the climbs and crossings our self, so that we felt as if we were the second humans to explore this cave. (The first guy, would be the one who attached all the rope holds for us.) It wasn’t until we came to a dead end with only a small dark opening below, that we decided some advise would be necessary. I could hear rushing water below, but could see no end to this black hole.

The Dark Abyss
An endless dark abyss was our first of two abseils (rope rappels) to conquer. I clamped on a belay, cinched up the harness, said good bye to my two companions, then took a deep breath and lowered myself into the black hole. Dangling from a string 30 feet into the darkness feels strangely alone, yet adrenaline and the will to be at the bottom surges you deeper underground. Sliding down the rope, the cool air became wet and stale. My head lamp searched for the bottom, but found instead sharp limestone ledges to steer clear of. The space opened to a large cavern with glossy walls and delicate flowing formations. Careful not to disturb the million years of artwork, I inched past the hanging pillars still dripping downward. The sound of rushing water below, lured me further until I landed with a splash on the rock floor. Safely at the bottom of my rope, I called out to the top, “That was fantastic. Lets do it again?” The guys followed me down and we set out, into the next dimension.

Black Water Rafting

A little mud goes with the sport, but I hadn’t expected to be swimming underground through a dark muddy river. This element of the trip is called black water rafting, tubing or swimming and it is especially eerie. You can take your pick of floatation, or wade through the black river for the full, bone chilling effect. As we sloshed through the river, first our rubber boots filled with the cold muddy liquid then our legs, until we were chest high in a moving black river. One wonders where this underground water came from and what was floating among us? This time, blind ignorance is bliss. Roaring down the canyon, the echo of pounding water thundered on the walls around us as we fought slow and heavy steps against it. Icy water dripped and oozed from the walls and trickled down the back of our neck as we made our way through the swirling pools to the final endurance climb.

Facing the Fall
The roaring became deafening intense as the walls closed in and pinched our path out of the mountain. Black water gushed through and fell from a wedge above our heads and I questioned if this was the only way out? Kieran offered a knee up and I hoisted myself up into the face of the waterfall clinging to the walls, awaiting precise instructions for my next move. The next level of the fall was impossible to climb as the pool below was steep and too deep to stand. Luckily I wasn’t really the first to explore this cave, and found a foot rope dangling in the cascading water. With one foot in the loop, I grasped the rope and pushed off, swinging across and under the spill of the water. Switching to another hold, I lost my footing and dangled above the deep pool until Kieran tossed another rope my way. Icy water tumbled over my shoulders as I fumbled to finish the crossing and then squeeze through the mouth of the fall. One last pull and I made my way safely over the top.

Surfacing
When surfacing from the underground, the smallest of life becomes exaggerated to your senses. New Zealand is known for its abundance of glow worms and they are an awesome sight to behold. These neon worms cling to the side of cliffs and cave walls and appear only in the dark. Thousands of tiny bugs form a dazzling new galaxy in the underworld. The arrival of huge spiders indicate an opening to a different kind of world then we had been absorbed in, these last hours. Finally guided to the surface by the stench and squeal of fluttering bats overhead, the first beam of light showed itself. Like zombies coming from the other side, we had to squint and shade ourselves against the light of day. Standing on the surface, it felt like the world took on a reincarnation of texture and color while were away. Mossy grass covered the hills, rain drops glimmered on silvery fern trees and the sun broke through the clouds to leave a brilliant rainbow coloring the sky.

The contrast of two completely different environments is fascinating. You can be captivated in a world where it seems time stands still, and then surface to one where time is measured by what’s accomplished in a day. If you think of time evolving over thousands and millions of years, you will find that the underground is not a lifeless world after all, its just moving at a different speed. It’s a rare opportunity to see an untouched world where beauty can only be achieved over billions of years.