Up side Down English - Ozzy Rules

I'm no wizzard of Oz

I suppose we could expect things to look and feel a bit different from the land Down Under the equator, as there is no big dipper in the sky, and the moon looks down on us with a sideways smile. Certainly he has plenty to smirk at, as we fumble through a new country. Perhaps I can blame, the change in gravity for confusing and turning me around. The water circles left as it makes it way down a drain, they drive on the wrong side of the road and you turn a light off, by flipping the switch up? I thought it would be easier merging with this English speaking culture, but I find myself lost in casual conversation, always searching, for a correct interpretation. Am I laughing at the wrong time? Do I nod or shake my head in agreement or disbelief ? Wouldn’t something bloody be bad , why is everything ‘f-in right’ when It‘s all left to me, and how did I know that a Bonza night would lead to a rippah hangover?
I’m sure that I’m still speaking English...But what the heck are they saying anyway?

You think you know English? Play, This weeks word game, and tell me how you would get along the first day in Australia? Contestants with a score of 5 or more, win a postcard from the land down under.

Play… “Up Side Down English…Ozzy Rules”

1.) Can a toilet get engaged?
2.) Is a guy unlucky to marry a, fair dinkum shela?
3.) True or False: A Barbie is a ridiculously thin and voluptuous doll?
4.) A milk bar is: a.) ice cream bar b.) convenience store c.) Dairy factory d.) Breast feeding
5.) Would a little’ rippa be expensive at an op shop?
6.) True or False: A bloody oath is a promise sealed in blood?
7.) If the country is obsessed with footy will they need more socks?
8.) Asking for a stubbie will get you: a.) cigar b.) beer c.) tv remote d.) limbless person
9.) True or False: You would find a child insistent on a thunder box when he has ran out of video games?
10.) If your driving on the left side of the road, steering from the right side of the car with the stick shift on your left and making a right hand turn, do you veer into the right or left of the lane before executing the right hand turn?

The correct answer is:
1.) YES - Turn the dial to green for Vacant or red for Engaged
2.) NO - A “fair dinkum She-La” is a really good catch of a lady
3.) FALSE- But you can show up with a thin and voluptuous date as long as you remember to bring some sausages for the grill.
4.) B - You can't even buy a beer in this bar
5.) NO - You’ve just found a real deal at Thrift Store
6.) FALSE- Simply add “Bloody” to any word for emphasis or agreement.
7.) YES - As a matter of fact, the sport of Ozzy football calls for extremely comfortable feet
8.) B - Grab me a stubbie would be asking for a bottle of beer
9.) FALSE- You would find a child insisting a thunder box if he’s outback needing a bathroom.
10.) Veer LEFT and wait your turn to execute a “Hook Turn” to the right. And boys and girls, don’t try this at home or anywhere outside the Australian continent.

How many did you answer right?
(1-3) You’re an obvious tourist (4-6) You’re still fumbling
(7-9)You’re now a local (perfect 10) You’re a cheater

Disclaimer: Odds of winning this game are one in a million unless you’ve been hanging out with Richie. Contestants must be 2 years of age to play, and not a Wiggles groupie. If you are from or have relatives from Australia you are not eligible to play. Ok you can play but you can’t win.

Tune in next week for More from Melbourne…

(Having a wicked time here in Australia. Will post again soon but for now we're headed out camping with the newlyweds) Toodle- Loo

Home...Made Easy

Home, Where we long to be.

There is something special about Thailand; a persistent yearning that calls us back. Bangkok City, is one that will both captivate and infuriate you within seconds of arrival. There is nothing comforting about the place, oddly, it has a “Homecoming” feel, each time we return.













You can be on a street corner, lost in a city of millions,

and not feel misplaced amongst them.
The larger cities around Thailand are like most cities in the world with large buildings, pollution and congestion, but what makes it different is the way they/we exist together. Everyone seems to have an equal place, whether it be in a shiny Mercedes, or pushing a dilapidated cart. Somehow there is room in the swarming streets for the whole mix of society. The people smile and make way for the old woman pushing her noodle stand and the legless panhandler dropped on the swarming sidewalk. The roving handicapped musician and the displaced elephant, pound the pavement working for their next meal. We all manage to live in harmony in the heat, in the crowds and in the diversity of an overcrowded city but at the same time, long to escape it.

Time for family
As you find your way out of the grips of shopping, night life and growing commerce, you will find a world that cultivates relationships and family. With the concrete left behind, the highway out of town becomes dotted with small huts and homes on spacious plots of land. School children skip over dirt mounds in their pressed white and blue uniforms on their way home, to ramshackle sheds with tin roofs and chicken coops. You won’t find the internet or electronic games in these homes. The realm for a child’s play extends into fields and over canals, dangling fishing rods, and herding cows.

The warm climate brings the family together outdoors, helping with the wash, walking to the market or hammocking in the shade. Evenings cool down and grandparents join, for meals cooked on fires and served over the dirt floor. Content around an old rickety table, eating chicken and rice in fresh palm leaves, there is nothing but conversation to fill the time.
We call it camping, when we have a chance to slow down the every day tasks and spend time with our family and friends. Without over stimulation , there is time to keep account of everyday life in a family.
I compare their simple existence and think about rewinding my life to take in the ordinary, average, everyday life that I struggled to escape at home in Portland. There is much to learn from this culture and I watch intently.


A few days hanging out with locals, and you become a guest in a Thai family’s home,
as friends are easily made, and life long relationships built in hours. Seated awkwardly on the floor in a wooden hut passing sticky rice, dried fish and bowls of soup is far from a traditional dinner party, but it’s easy to become candid and casual in this relaxed atmosphere. Trust quickly becomes second nature and we find ourselves becoming part of a self sustaining family unit with people we‘ve only just met. This is true all over Thailand witnessed in the way people take care of each other, as coins are dropped into the mangled hands of the handicap and the humbled poor share their food on the bus with the needy. These proud people have a common goal to survive and have learned to exist without government assistance or free hand outs. Supporting one another is common and it’s hard to see discrimination or segregation for the poor, rich, political, powerful, gay or strait and the average person pays little attention to racial background.
It’s a society that supports the people by encouraging talents and embracing differences while overlooking shortcomings.

Finally, it’s the beautiful beaches and tropical jungles that initially draw most travelers from all over the world to Thailand. They come to swim in a warm seas with colorful ocean life and trek the lush rain forests in search of monkeys and cascading waterfalls. Our destination always leads us back to a turquoise bay lined with hills providing hiking, snorkeling, fishing or simply sinking into the lapping surf . The busy person can do everything as the activity is all here,

yet we get nothing done.

The true beauty of this country is not the landscape, or activities as there are places all over the world with great tourist attractions.
The reason we return is the leisure of daily life. No one is in a rush, there is always time for you, and it’s easy to exist, completely effortlessly in this county.
Thailand has the best aspects of
"All that we long for at home... "
but “Home, made easy.“




As the Thai's would say, "Mai pen Rai" .... "Don't worry about it"

The Speed of a Hammock

Weeks of leisure have calmed the racing mind, rested the aching body and left time for the extraordinary. Not the extraordinary exciting adventure you’re used to reading about, but the kind, only the extremely lazy breed, can fully indulge in. Plagued by unseasonable monsoon rains for over a week, I lounged around observing everyday occurrences, but found instead the simplistic beauty of the beach that we sometimes miss in the race for a tan, a new friend, a party, a book, a swim, a drink, a nap; all the things that represent a vacation.




But it’s remarkable how much you can observe when you “slow” life, to the speed of a hammock.




From my hammock…

Did you know,
When the beach is void of bathing beauties and frisbee enthusiasts, the sand crabs claim their domain?
Astounding little creatures line the shore, scuttling sideways out of their hole, cleaning the algae off each granule of sand until the smooth shore looks like a modern art exhibit. And it is! Walk slowly to appreciate the tiny spheres of sand these crabs leave in random patterns all over the abandoned beach. Sand crab galleries are open every day to the public, free of charge.



Did you know,
…A butterfly will pass your hammock 17 times in a half an hour?
The crimson and metallic blue butterfly is artwork gracing your presence like royalty, taking a bow, then drifting out of sight, leaving you to feel like you’ve been touched with luck. Follow an orange and brown spotted beauty, and it glides in perfect rhythm through the air, but recoils when landing. The white wing butterfly flutters quickly and erratically like an angel attempting it’s ascend to the heavens, rising steadily but suddenly falling as each failed attempt.





Did you know,
…The underside of a tiny leaf, looks like the tree itself? A single tender leaf on a enormous tree, shows it’s strength in the veins that act like strong limbs holding its own canopy of shade. Nurtured from it’s base, the stem becomes remarkably strong and difficult to sever.









Did you know,
…The sound of rain on a tin roof is an orchestra from the sky?
Like the soft approach of a beautiful tune, the rain falls, PLUNK (pause, pause) PLUNK, PLUNK, PLUNK (pause, pause) PLUNK (pause) PLUNK, PLUNK. The intensity builds into a full clamor of joined composition. The symphony of rain reaches its peak and then softens to a melody played out in the final drops. PLINK (pause, pause, pause) PLINK, PLUNK!!



Did you know,
…The name for the Gecko lizard comes from the sound it makes?
A perfect “Gech-Ko” rings out from my bathroom where our newest 2 foot pet lives. The sound can be made when, mating (if it’s a male) or as a warning (if it’s a female.) They are most active in my bungalow when we are, either rising early in the morning, or retiring for the night. Humm, interesting observation?







Did you know,
…You can actually watch the grass grow?
When living in the tropics the flowers and tiny blades of grass will grow before your eyes. Pay attention as the strength of a stalk, rises a little each time the sun returns after a heavy rain. Even when it appears the heavy hand of torrent, falls harsh on the fragile, the warmth and nurturing of the sun, springs life back into a flattened, fallen flower.






I could ramble on forever, but the point is made.
There is hidden beauty in every missed opportunity, every rainy day, every boring event, and every cherished moment …when you slow life to the speed of a hammock.

Spring will be arriving soon in Portland and I wish you all to make the time to, “Stop and smell the roses.”

More to come from Thailand, but for now the sun returns to rejuvenate these lazy and lethargic travelers.

All our best to, “Our Best.”
Brian and Brenda